First of all, let me say this: I love Christmas. L-O-V-E love it. I love the decorations, the baking, buying the perfect gifts (in my pajamas. Thanks, Amazon!), getting together with family…well, you get the idea. I say this to give you some perspective as my tale of woe—or rage…tomato, tomahto—unfolds.
This morning found us in another visit to the Big Box Evil Retailer, once again trailing through the toy department so my son could check out everysingletoy—you know, in case the selection has changed since Thursday. The cinnamon was back, assailing my nostrils and putting me in a teensy bit of a mood, when a moment of silence fell upon my little shopper. In this moment, I was able to actually hear what was going on around us, and the assault on my ears became noticeable.
And had a name. Andy Williams.
That’s right. Christmas carols.
As he crooned his way through Silver Bells, his syrupy voice dripping with pure holiday goodness, my eye began to twitch. “It’s November seventh,” I said in a low growl.
“Look at this! It’s Batman!” shouted Little Shopper, unaware that mommy was ramping up for a good freak-out.
“Wow, that’s really cool.” I managed, pushing Mr. Williams out of my brain. “That sure has a lot of pieces.”
“Look at his CAR!”
“That’s the Batmobile, buddy.”
Silver bells, silver bells…
Little Shopper moved on to Cars 2, his eyes locked on a giant, talking Mater.
…it’s Christmas time in the city.
“What is happening with this world?” I demanded. Little Shopper didn’t answer. Or even notice I was talking. It was all about Mater for him. “It is NOT Christmas time in the city. Thanksgiving is still two and a half weeks away and it’s FIFTY DEGREES OUT!”
I turned to Little Shopper. “You know, when I was your age,” That’s right. I said THAT. “When I was your age, Thanksgiving was its own holiday, and Christmas didn’t start until AFTER it was DONE. You know what that meant? Christmas was SPECIAL. It wasn’t RUINED by being dragged out so long that everyone was SICK OF IT by the time it was here. We didn’t watch Christmas movies in JULY. We didn’t have DVD players, or even VCRs. We watched the Christmas movies when they came on TV at CHRISTMAS TIME. ONCE. And it was SPECIAL.”
“Mater TALKS, mommy!”
Yes, yes he does.